Monday, April 20, 2015

The majority of your life will be lived over the age of 40.

As my thirteen-year-old daughter and I drove home, this was the topic of our conversation. She has been researching the effect of abortion on a woman's future fertility. This led to a discussion of common things young women do that have long term negative consequences in their lives.

We have talked extensively to our children about time preferences and point out the observable consequences to a high time preference mentality. We demonstrate delayed gratification for them and integrate instruction on low time preference thinking into our discussions as often as possible. 

I asked my daughter to visualize herself as an eighty-year-old woman and asked if she could imagine what would be most important to her. She determined that she wouldn't want to be alone. We then discussed what she could do to help ensure that.

Having lived around the country and the world as a child of a Soldier, she is well aware that friends come and go. She has known the bond that can form between friends and the fragility of that bond. There is nothing biblical to hold that bond in place.

In this modern time of self determination and individualism, there is a pull for young women like my daughter to do anything but think of her eighty-year-old self in her decision making process. This isn't new, by any means, and it seems it should be obvious and not necessary to discuss with her. I'm not going to take that chance, though.

I told her to think about where her father and I are in life. We are both over the age of forty, and past (we think) the age of having more children. Yet most of our life is ahead of us.

The reality of the life that is to come for us has many challenges, some of which we've already encountered. There will be death; our parents, our siblings, other relatives, each other. There will be illness. There will come that day when our bodies will be done doing the work we do today. The things that keep us busy day after day right now will subside.

There will be a lot of time.

Today we consider that abundance of time in almost every decision we make and are passing that thought process on to our children.

In our conversation, my daughter told me that what she can do to help ensure she is not alone in her elderly years is; marry young, adhere to biblical instruction for marriage, and have children.

She is growing in wisdom which is great to see. She still is very much a thirteen-year-old girl though and is trying hard to understand that not going to the upcoming One Direction concert will not, actually, be the end of the world.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

From my golden cage to yours

If that means him calling the shots... then it is not worth it. No matter how golden the cage you're in, is. Nothing is worth giving up your own agency, your own contol [sic] of your life.  - vanir85
Before I continue posting on the benefits of wives using reasoned and honest discourse in communicating with their husbands I want to emphasize a situation where utilizing logic is futile. If you are a Christian, married woman who desires to obey God and agrees the Bible is Truth, you will not be able to debate honestly with a feminist. Statistics, historical facts, observable and objective reality will not aid your argument. There is no reasoning with them and therefore no way to persuade them using dialectical discourse. They willfully will not know what you know, understand what you understand, nor are they opposed to lying. How do you reason with a liar? You simply can not.

There is no benefit for us to consider their appeals or their opinions especially once we've identified their contradictions. There is no point in attempting to use the Socratic method to persuade them either. In being dishonest, they do not care that they've made contradictions. 

It is important for Christian women to know the evil that lurks within the mind of the feminist and guard their hearts. There is no such thing as a feminist who believes the Bible is Truth. Those who claim as such will reveal themselves as liars rather quickly. 

 A woman who spent some time commenting on Alpha Game the other day did a fantastic job illustrating what feminists think of wives who obey God. Much of what she said I've heard before from other feminists.

Here's an incomplete list of her opinions of a Christian wife who obeys God (the Bible verses I've added tell the Truth to each): 
- simply damaged 
Psalm 34:18 Matthew 5:5
- has no agency
Romans 14:11
- is less healthy than obese rebellious women
Proverbs 23:20-2, 1 Corinthians 6:20
- is not allowed the right to make unhealthy and destructive choices
Proverbs 17:11
- is a servile wifebot
John 12:26
- her status and comfort depend on being attractive and feminine
Proverbs 31
- will make no mark on history 
John 10:14-15
- will make no difference to the world
Proverbs 31:28
- has no self respect
Romans 12:2
- is a faceless cog
Romans 8:28-30
- has children who are worse off than those of single mothers
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
 
Outside of this woman's desire, and a bit of an obsession, to have all women experience the freedom of obesity (determined to be the number one health problem in the US by the CDC), take a look at the goal:
A feminist future is where women are free, with as much power over the world at large as men. Where no woman, anywhere, will HAVE to bend her knee to a man - for survival, means, protection, anything. And if I did not think that possible, I wouldn't care enough about our specie's future or survival, to even bother debating here.
Is it equality that is sought by this feminist or her own superiority and dominance?
  And the point is; women should not have to depend solely on a superior economic entity. They should aim for a position where they could be a superior economic entity (to a partner, and/or her own employees).
How has this feminist done in her quest?
 I have not made the mark I wish to make yet. But even doing nothing would still be preferable over contributing to the evil system of female degradation you laughably think of as "nobel" - at least then one caused no further HARM to this pitiful world.
 Ah yes, this woman will be remembered and revered for generations to come for her accomplishment of having done nothing.

Here is one of my favorite lies she tells: 
And guns, force, are the only thing that will ever get women back in the chauvinist hell you people oh-so-dearly want them trapped in. That is the truth. That it what it takes to get free people back into subjugation and servitude.
Never mind what she calls a chauvinist hell, that's code word for "obedience to God". There were five women commenting on that thread alone, who have voluntarily become the wives she fears. No guns, no force.

Yes, it's fear. Of course it is fear. This woman is terrified that the Word of God is the Truth. Husbands simply can not be to blame for their position in a marriage. It was declared so, by God (Ephesians 5:23). 

Don't ever be fooled by women like this. She wants that all women be free to choose their path in life but feels contempt toward the wife who chooses to obey God:
and to be clear, whatever contempt i hold for women who chose subjugation
If you have the stomach to read through the whole thread you might recognize the seething rage, the loathing, and the terror predictable from a wasted life lived in rebellion. There is no reasoning with her. There is no debate. All that remains to be said to women like this is:
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. - John 8:44

Friday, March 27, 2015

Logic - the lost art

Thou shalt not commit logical fallacies.

The poster hung in our classroom while we were introducing our children to their first course in logic. We used The Fallacy Detective by Nathaniel Bluedorn and Hans Bluedorn. It is designed for children as young as twelve which is a perfect age for them to start on their journey of reasoned thought and discourse.

A woman at Dalrock's blog asked: "Is there a resource for what to do, or not do, when raising a young girl (she’s preteen, in elementary school), in order to avoid this senseless entitlement and obscene debauchery that seems to be normal now?" I referred her to The Fallacy Detective. In raising daughters, one of the best things we can do for them, in this culture, is cultivate within them an understanding and love of logic and rational thought. When this is coupled with a love for the Lord and biblical instruction, they will be more equipped to avoid the rebellious temptations of the world.

When one of our children would present an irrational argument we would tell them to go to the poster and let us know which logical fallacy their argument contained. We would then teach them how they can debate/discuss/argue the issue in an honest manner. We have never had a problem with our children disagreeing with us. We don't, however, allow irrational outbursts or rhetorical fallacies. There is so much for them to learn and they are with us for such a short time that we don't want to waste a minute of it. What they have learned so far of logic and reasoning has been demonstrably beneficial to their maturation and thirst for wisdom.

Unfortunately logic is not taught to the majority of individuals they'll encounter and converse with. It can be very frustrating for them when they attempt to debate a hot topic with one of their peers. They aren't very skilled, yet, in identifying individuals that can not be reasoned with.
Before some audiences, not even the possession of the exactist knowledge will make it easy for what we say to produce conviction. - Aristotle
It is our utmost concern for our daughters to become logical thinkers. We understand that one of the most challenging things they will encounter in marriage is the ability to communicate effectively with their husbands. It is imperative for them to be honest and rational in this communication.

As wives, we need to learn to recognize when we are communicating dishonestly with our husbands. We need to be educated in logic so we can understand what fallacious reasoning is. In addition we need to learn other destructive manners of communication and thought such as neurotic projection and solipsism.

Consider the husband who makes a statement: "My mother's roast beef is delicious, could you get the recipe from her?"

Here we have a subjective opinion and a request. Considering this is a husband and it is regarding a preference in food that he has, it is likely something that would bring him great joy to hear this response from his wife: "Sure! I'll give her a call."

How many husbands endure this response: "Why, what is wrong with my roast beef?" or "You don't like how I've been making the roast beef?"

Sadly, many husbands will have to encounter this escalation: "Everything your mother does is better than what I do! I'll never be able to measure up! Nothing I do is good enough! I wish you could just love me for me!"

The husband really just has a palate for his mother's roast beef. He's not comparing his mother's cooking to his wife's. His words should be understood as he literally said them. No matter what has taken place in a marriage previous to this statement, the statement needs to be heard and understood as it is said without a response containing the fallacy of presumption. This is an honest way of communicating.

More to come as time allows...

Friday, March 13, 2015

A good read: "On a Good Wife"

Aristotle: On a Good Wife, from Oikonomikos,
c. 330 BCE

A good wife should be the mistress of her home, having under her care all that is within it, according to the rules we have laid down. She should allow none to enter without her husband's knowledge, dreading above all things the gossip of gadding women, which tends to poison the soul. She alone should have knowledge of what happens within. She must exercise control of the money spent on such festivities as her husband has approved – keeping, moreover, within the limit set by law upon expenditure, dress, and ornament – and remembering that beauty depends not on costliness of raiment. Nor does abundance of gold so conduce to the praise of a woman as self‐control in all that she does. This, then, is the province over which a woman should be minded to bear an orderly rule; for it seems not fitting that a man should know all that passes within the house. But in all other matters, let it be her aim to obey her husband; giving no heed to public affairs, nor having any part in arranging the marriages of her children.
Rather, when the time shall come to give or receive in marriage sons or daughters, let her then hearken to her husband in all respects, and agreeing with him obey his wishes. It is fitting that a woman of a well‐ordered life should consider that her husband's wishes are as laws appointed for her by divine will, along with the marriage state and the fortune she shares. If she endures them with patience and gentleness, she will rule her home with ease; otherwise, not so easily. Therefore not only when her husband is in prosperity and good report must she be in agreement with him, and to render him the service he wills, but also in times of adversity. If, through sickness or fault of judgment, his good fortune fails, then must she show her quality, encouraging him ever with words of cheer and yielding him obedience in all fitting ways – only let her do nothing base or unworthy. Let her refrain from all complaint, nor charge him with the wrong, but rather attribute everything of this kind to sickness or ignorance or accidental errors. There‐fore, she will serve him more assiduously than if she had been a slave bought and taken home. For he has indeed bought her with a great price – with partnership in his life and in the procreation of children....Let her bethink herself how Alcestis would never have attained such renown nor Penelope have deserved all the high praises bestowed on her had not their husbands known adversity. To find partners in prosperity is easy enough; but only the best women are ready to share in adversity.
Such then is the pattern of the rules and ways of living which a good wife will observe. And the rules which a good husband will follow in treatment of his wife will be similar; seeing that she has entered his home like a suppliant from without, and is pledged to be the partner of his life and parenthood; and that the offspring she leaves behind her will bear the names of their parents, her name as well as his. And what could be more divine than this, or more desired by a man of sound mind, than to beget by a noble and honored wife children who shall be the most loyal supporters and discreet guardians of their parents in old age, and the preservers of the whole house? Rightly reared by father and mother, children will grow up virtuous, as those who have treated them piously and righteously deserve that they should; but parents who observe not these precepts will be losers thereby. For unless parents have given their children an example how to live, the children in their turn will be able to offer a fair and specious excuse for undutifulness. Such parents will risk being rejected by their offspring for their evil lives, and thus bring destruction upon their own heads. Therefore his wife's training should be the object of a man's unstinting care; that so far as is possible their children may spring from the noblest of stock. For it is only by this means that each mortal, successively produced, participates in immortality; and that petitions and prayers continue to be offered to ancestral gods. So that he who thinks lightly of this would seem also to be slighting the gods. For their sake then, in whose presence he offered sacrifice and led his wife home, promising to honor her far above all others saving his parents, a man must have care for wife and children.
Now a virtuous wife is best honored when she sees that her husband is faithful to her, and has no preference for another woman; but before all others loves and trusts her and holds her as his own. And so much the more will the woman seek to be what he accounts her. If she perceives that her husband's affection for her is faithful and righteous, she too will be faithful and righteous towards him. Therefore it befits not a man of sound mind to bestow his person promiscuously, or have random intercourse with women; for otherwise the base‐born will share in the rights of his lawful children, and his wife will be robbed of her honor due, and shame be attached to his sons.
And it is fitting that he should approach his wife in honor, full of self‐restraint and awe; and in his conversation with her, should use only the words of a right‐minded man, suggesting only such acts as are themselves lawful and honorable. And if through ignorance she has done wrong, he should advise her of it in a courteous and modest manner. For of fear there are two kinds. The fear which virtuous and honorable sons feel towards their fathers, and loyal citizens towards right‐minded rulers, has for its companions reverence and modesty; but the other kind, felt by slaves for masters and by subjects for despots who treat them with injustice and wrong, is associated with hostility and hatred. By choosing the better of all these alternatives a husband should secure the agreement, loyalty, and devotion of his wife, so that whether he himself is present or not, there may be no difference in her attitude towards him, since she realizes that they are alike guardians of the common interests; and so when he is away she may feel that to her no man is kinder or more virtuous or more truly hers than her own husband. And if the husband learns first to master himself, he will thereby become his wife's best guide in all the affairs of life, and will teach her to follow his example.
Source: Aristotle, The Politics & Economics of Aristotle, Edward English Walford & John Gillies, trans., (London: G. Bell & Sons, 1908).

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Calm

Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. I had to feed you with milk, not with solid food, because you weren’t ready for anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world? When one of you says, “I am a follower of Paul,” and another says, “I follow Apollos,” aren’t you acting just like people of the world?
 After all, who is Apollos? Who is Paul? We are only God’s servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building.
Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. - 1 Corinthians 3:1-11

My daughters, I pray that you will read these verses again and again each and every time you are confused and searching for Truth. You will hear and read so many conflicting things. It's all a distraction. You are a Christian who has a Bible and the ability to pray. Know yourself. Know when you are seeking Truth or when you are seeking to justify rebellion.  

In your Mother's Day card to me today you wrote about how I have been packing our belongings to move once again. You stated: "If you were any other mom, you would be freaking out and stressed, but you're not. You're calm." 

It is my heart's desire for you to know, for yourself, the calm that I have today. I'm so encouraged that you recognize it. While I can do many things in showing you the blessings of being calm, I can not give calmness to you. It is something you will gain by a steadfast reliance on Truth and obedience to God, you will receive it as a blessing for having turned away from rebellion and abiding in God's very simple guidance for you as a wife and mother. 

Pay no attention to those who will label you as followers of this or of that. Their nitpicks and judgements are the works of idle hands and covetous hearts. I continue to learn new terms for how the world tries to define a life like mine. Rest assured, I belong to no group, no movement, or persuasion. I am a Christian. I pray, I read the Bible, I repent of my sins, and I take the very personal instruction God gave to wives very seriously. I am not confused by that instruction, it is written quite clearly. I've said before, perhaps I am just stupid enough to believe the Words that are written on the pages of my Bible. However, with that stupidity comes the calm. And know this, it is that calm that women covet. 

I've learned a new derogatory term for how I live my life: patriocentricity (father/husband worship). It is spoken of by women who have exceptions for how they submit to their husbands. In this case, in order to not be patriocentric, a wife's husband must be in submission to a greater authority (of course this is overseen and judged by who else - the wife!). That is beyond my pay grade, so to speak. Your father is quite capable of reading the Bible. You'll find in reading the Bible that it is prudent to seek wisdom. In seeking wisdom, you will listen to the words of others. You will check those words with the Bible and if they are biblically sound, you will accept them as learning. I am confident your father does this. But it has nothing to do with my submission to him. Also, do not be confused, I do not worship your father. I obey God. Jesus told us in John 14:15 "If you love me, keep my commandments." It is very simple. I love Jesus. And I, as a wife, have very specific commands from God:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:22-24
How awesome is it that God provided for us, as wives, a special message? He considered us, He loves us, and because of that, He told us how we can obey Him. He didn't make it confusing or hard to follow. In fact, to avoid confusion a very important word was used: everything. 

Now, you will know when you have fully embraced this command. You will know when you have stopped rebelling against that very important word. You will know when you have an unshakable resolve to obey God despite any and all of the words you get labeled by those who are still in rebellion.

You will be calm.

When you become a wife, it will be to your husband that you submit. Because darlings, if you'll notice, the words do not say "...in everything that is like your father." No, it says "in everything." Your husband will likely be very close with your father, but they will not always be in agreement. As you seek advice from me, you will never hear me say anything other than, "obey God by submitting to your husband in everything." I will not say anything other than this because I know something that is so very important - the way for you to become calm.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Husband or draft horse?

It was this time of year, nine years ago, when my thirty-four-year-old husband sat down with me and said, "The Army has missed its recruiting goals again, I'm going to enlist."

It was a statement, not a question. My opinion and/or input was not what he was seeking, he was informing me on what was going to happen.

Now that the Army will no longer be his career, he is free to pursue whatever he desires once again. He was contemplating something the other day and I asked him, "It's not me that is holding you back from this decision, is it?" He said it wasn't, but I reminded myself to get my thoughts into check and root out any sense of expectation when it comes to his decisions.

Our role as help meet is designed to be as flexible as is needed to help our husbands in whatever endeavor they pursue. If a former endeavor provided excess and abundance, we, as wives, need to make sure those pleasantries do not turn into expectations that influence our husbands to maintain where they are instead of following their desires, or even their calling, to change what they are doing.

My thoughts on the subject were confirmed again when I was reading through the comment section of the Just Four Guys blog. Go read it for context if you'd like, it's an excellent thread for women to read. I'll just be highlighting some snippets of what commenter BuenaVista had to say:

Well, as a former drafthorse, who got up at 3 a.m. so I could do my share of the housework, run 5 miles so I look like a 20 year-old, and write two poems, before going to work for 14 hours/day, because that’s what constituted a manly-man to the ex-, at least I wasn’t a gelding like this dude. Does he do the toilets, too? Get up earlier, pal. You can always get up earlier. I hope you’re doing all the cooking on the weekends.
Sure, go ahead. Throw away any aspect of your integrity so that you can do shuttle runs on the weekend in a minivan, after investing the entirety of your existence M-F in supporting this woman and her precious children. The wife will say you’re magnificent — yay — because that’s less revealing than reality. Reality is that he’ll blink and be dead, or blink and be divorced. Reality is that she and her friends gather and cluck “Farm him out, honey; farm him out.” Reality is that a housewife has four hours per day of labor, maybe six, but this one has her man running errands all weekend in a piece-of-shit family breadbox because, well, it’s just so important to share the load.
Perhaps they will bury him in his minivan, with a few Dad of the Year! t-shirts thrown in.
If this woman had gotten anything out of her claimed redpill insights, her guy would have a life other than one that exclusively celebrates her leisure. Men: harness up. We’ll praise you!...
More reflections on the OP and why I find it so alarming, especially here of all places. No anecdotes, but fair warning for mixed metaphors, Blade Runner, quantitative finance, and aviation references, not to mention invective informed by experience:
Let’s amplify and exaggerate: Our fair correspondent here could be married to a independently wealthy Channing Tatum, sensitive beyond measure (say he has a book deal to update treacle like Kahlil Gibran) and brilliant beyond comprehension (when not cleaning his Vepr he writes monographs on public choice theory), teaches hot university babes Miesian economics … oh, we actually know someone like that, oops. Well. Anyway, let us now add the wedding cake and overlay some Ward Cleaver, and watch him trade out his TVR for a minivan and the infinitude of striving that is the Honey-Do List Lifestyle. He is now defined solely by what he brings, does, and provides. It doesn’t matter how pretty the harness, it’s still a harness.
A drafthorse is an impressive figure: we all admire him. Until, and there’s always an until, he can’t, or won’t, pull the wagon; or until, sight unseen to our plodding hero-horse, another prancing drafthorse or quarterhorse or closing-hour unicorn horse enters stage left. Then, as we know, Davey Drafthorse gets a bucket of seat oats, and a .308 to the brain.
It’s important to realize that our Fair Correspondent has found the perfect man. That perfect man — and none of us will ever walk the earth as either the perfect greater beta or sun-kissed maximal alpha — exists *at the pleasure, at the whim* of Fair Correspondent. His emotional life, and wholesale aspects of his economic life, *hang by a thread.* Should she change her mind about his utility, for it is utility that makes him Maximal Man, he’s now just another disoriented loser, alien to his children, to himself, to his potential, to his autonomy. And the only answer that provides any comfort whatsoever to this bleak, factual, 40-50% probability is: NAWALT.
Really? We’re going to say this is good enough? NAWALT? Because some chick drops props on a blog for men about how, really, men-in-minivans are just da bomb?
The described husband here appears to exist in middle-manager land (their resources provide a tenuous middle-income lifestyle). He could — nay, he *will* — eventually get canned; he could get sick, physically or emotionally; he could fall off the marriage chastity wagon, because unlike his spouse he thinks sex is in fact a very big deal, and particularly so in monogamy; he could simply decide that no, he’s not getting in harness today, he’s going to rewrite his senior thesis and family income this year is going to be 3% of last year’s, so deal with it.
There is an implied contract in all of monogamy, and that contract never includes the words, “Honey, I know that we have enjoyed two decades of equilibrium, but, you know, this new thing is really important to me and I’m going to see it through. This is my moment.” At that moment he’s in breach. Good luck, Davey Drafthorse. Suzy Homemaker holds the reins.
What then? Boom. She points to the contract: “Show me where your agency is permitted, absent, in my sole discretion, I deem it reasonable?” He’s out and the State drops an Enforcement Action on his ass. The choices then, for Davey Drafthorse, are obliteration or massive self-reconstruction. He will need to reinvent himself after 20 years of relentless, habitual nurturing and provisioning. He will need to do so with no support from his friends of the past 20 years, who instead look the other way rather than, themselves, stare at the smoking crater that is this man’s blasted hopes and relationship equity. He will be erased, overnight, by everyone whose social access to him (this would be everyone) was managed by his ex-wife; overnight, his despairing children will (out of desperation to survive emotionally) place him on the shelf with the other clever, maybe charming, irrelevant knickknacks that we accumulate in life. Overnight his highest-and-best use to his children will be to become the best distant uncle a child can have, the kind of uncle whose value can be easily measured: How often can he reload their debit cards? Overnight he’s a security in default, all of his lines of emotional and financial credit closed. For he’s not a man, it turns out, at all; he’s a marriage market replicant experiencing “retirement.” Those 20 years? It turns out that his memories are, overnight, merely programmed impulses designed to make him feel whole within the perfect world his ex-wife desired; it turns out that he’s been dreaming of electric sheep. He stumbles about, reaching for the photographs that documented his entire adult and parental life: Suzy Homemaker already removed them on the court-ordered stripping of the household. Simple artifacts, these photographs, like every other pretty lie, are gone.
Alternatively, he could be permitted his autonomous dreams, his agency, and his emotional distinctiveness. If you want a leading indicator of relationship success, it would be some acknowledgment of a committed man’s legitimacy in autonomy. Find some, for me, in the contributor’s self-aggrandizing paen to servile masculinity.
So, recovery. To recover some modest integrity, a shadow of his potential self at 25, he will be condemned to a life of solitary effectiveness: Decker, best in “love”, only capable of “love”, with a replicant like himself. “Love”, now properly seen for the fancy tissue paper that wrapped up the sum of his investment in a woman — who here celebrates her marionette husband, provided he doesn’t hang himself in her piano-wire strings as he contorts himself left-and-right at her fingertip command — is just more tissue paper thrown on the fire now that Christmas has passed. His only freedom, now, is in his solitary awareness that when they say it’s love, it looks like a business; and when he acts like it’s a business, he’s shamed for not realizing it’s love.[...]

[...]Don’t believe me? The other blog had a thread last spring in which the subject of marital infidelity came up. The proprietor, who celebrates her marriage to the perfect greater beta as the model for all the young girls, noted: “If he cheats, I will hire the nastiest divorce lawyer in town and take him apart piece by piece.” That is the piano-wire thread that all men must either love, or differently manage.

As your husband's help meet, does he have the ability to say, “Honey, I know that we have enjoyed two decades of equilibrium, but, you know, this new thing is really important to me and I’m going to see it through. This is my moment.” and have not only your full support but your...help?

Have you learned yet to go to God to rid yourself of fear, expectation, entitlement?  

Are you making sure that in no way is your husband in a harness "defined solely by what he brings, does, and provides."


 "If you want a leading indicator of relationship success, it would be some acknowledgment of a committed man’s legitimacy in autonomy."

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

No ability to blush

While driving out of town on Saturday, RLB and I stopped at a McDonald's for lunch. The booth we sat in was right behind a young millennial and her grandmother. The young gal looked to be between eighteen and twenty and Grandma looked like she was in her eighties.

Perhaps Grandma was hard of hearing, though we couldn't hear her end of the conversation, but Miss Thang was talking very loudly. For the next fifteen minutes we got to listen to a disheartening display of the inability to blush.

Miss Thang was telling Grandma all of her woes. Mom was requiring her to pay $150 a month rent!:

"No, I don't think she's lonely, Grandma, she just needs my money.  I'm not there 90% of the time, I'm always at Matt's, so basically I'm paying all that money for storage."

"Her health insurance sucks Grandma, I'm not going to be able to keep my doctor. It's ridiculous, I wanna stay at that clinic, I wanna keep that doctor, I wanna keep the dentist I have now."

"Yes, I love this doctor, he is so thorough, he checks my IUD every time I go in."

"Do you know what an IUD is Grandma?"

There was more. So much more.